A Rant.

My horoscope today tells me to get out into nature. It has advice for city bound nature lovers, like me, read on...

"...if you live in a city or find it difficult to travel to a forest or the countryside, there are a myriad ways to reconnect with nature. When you step out of your door each morning, pause for a minute and close your eyes long enough to let your senses absorb your surroundings. Listen and breathe deeply, until you hear the wind rustling through branches, smell rain on damp grass, and see the reflection of leaves brushing up against windowpanes. If you have time, crouch down and closely examine any nearby grass and soil. The sights, sounds, smells, and sensations we experience that are part of nature can remind us of all the gifts Mother Earth grants us each day."

It's a lovely thought until I get to this line:

"crouch down and closely examine any nearby grass and soil."

...um.

Sister, if I crouch down and examine any grass and soil when I step outside my front door I will get (at best) a close up look at one of Mother Nature's greatest wonders, dog poop. Yeah, at best. On a Saturday morning it will probably be dog poop marinated in human vomit and I won't be able to "crouch down and examine" it because of the crowd of pigeons eating it.

I saw a beautifully preserved dead rat on the sidewalk the other day. I commune with nature all the time.

Someone else told me a good way for city dwellers to get fresh water was to lay out cloths and then wring the dew out in the morning.

Brother, if I lay some towels out in this neighborhood overnight, I will be wringing out a lot more than dew the next morning.

I can't WAIT to get out of here.